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Sometimes, a young person may behave in ways that a family finds difficult. These behaviours may be directly related to, or made worse by, their drug use.
It is important to try to understand that these behaviours are common when drug use occurs. You may need to develop specific ways to deal with them (see related help sheets for strategies).
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| 1. |
Drug use may make a young person behave in particular ways, such as moodiness, irritability or violence. |
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Violence should not be excused and accepted because of drug problems. It needs to be handled well so that it does not continue. |
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When there has been repeated lies and disappointment, it may take a very long time for parents to trust their child again, or in some cases trust may never be fully recovered. |
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It can be useful to not get into an argument over these behaviours, but instead allow yourself to realise what may be happening, and to have in place good boundaries and communication. |
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When your child is using drugs, you may notice there are times when they are particularly irritable or moody, or less able to handle small frustrations. They may also display violent behaviours. These may including yelling, put-downs, damage to property, threatening or hitting family members.
These moods and behaviours may be related to dropping levels of a drug in their body and their body experiencing some withdrawal. When they have the drug in their system they may tend to behave better.
This is not always the case, however. Some people are more violent when they are substance affected and are less reasonable, for example, when they drink alcohol or use amphetamines (speed).
These behaviours may be due to things other than the drug use and even due to normal teenage growth and change. It is important to know the behaviours that are "common" for this age group and that can be attributed to the developmental stage that your young person is going through (see: Adolescent Development). You may then be able to identify which behaviours are unusual and may need closer attention and possibly intervention.
Violence should not be excused and accepted because of drug problems. It needs to be handled well so that it does not continue (see: Dealing with Violence).
When someone is using drugs, it is common for them to lie about their level of drug use and other things in their lives or to create an alternative reality. This is to:
- avoid judgements
- be able to continue to do what they want to do
- try to avoid any consequences for their behaviour
- avoid hearing what they don't want to hear.
Theft of family or others' property may also be involved.
In some cases the person using drugs may not be fully aware of what they are doing due to being highly substance affected. However it is not useful to excuse their behaviour on this basis, nor to react in a blaming and aggressive way towards them.
It is more helpful to try to put in place good boundaries and use natural consequences to help them learn from their experience and do things differently next time (see: Setting Boundaries).
Lies and theft can be particularly difficult issues for parents to deal with. Parents want to trust their child and have an open relationship with them. When there has been repeated lies and disappointment, it may take a very long time for parents to trust their child again, or in some cases trust may never be fully recovered. It is reasonable to think that the child has some responsibility to earn back that trust (see: Building our Relationship).
It is common for young people who are using drugs to deny their usage and to also deny things they have done whilst affected by drugs. They want to avoid confrontations and so often blame others for mistakes that have been made, things that have gone missing or for misleading them.
These attitudes and responses are not particular to drug users. They may also be present for adolescents who do not have drug use difficulties but who are trying to exert their independence (see: Adolescent Development and Feeling Blamed).
These behaviours are similar to 'lies'. All these behaviours relate to the drug user either not thinking they have a problem, or not wanting to acknowledge or admit to others that they do.
It is typical for a young person to tell a parent "What problem?! I don't have a problem, it's you that has the problem!"
Talk to your child at a time when things are calm about your concerns. Remind them how much you care about them and how concerned you are about their behaviour. Arguing with them about whether or not they have 'a problem,' probably won't get you anywhere. Instead talk to them, seek some advice about your child's behaviour and make sure that you have in place good boundaries (see: Setting Boundaries and Improving Communication).
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